Most of us have been hurt emotionally and it can be very difficult to move on and recover from that hurt. Pain can change us, it can leave marks and scars. Pain in life is inevitable - we will all feel hurt sometime - but how we live with that pain is a choice, we can suffer with it or we can move on with it. We can allow the pain become our identity or, let it go, and allow the pain make us stronger. Can we be happy after pain? Here are the steps I used to find my way back from hurt.
1. Figure out exactly what is hurting you, define your pain.
2. Express that pain, write it down, get it out. Focus on the lessons learnt.
3. Yesterday is history. Don't torture yourself by reliving the past. Stay in the present.
4. Let it go. Stop retelling the story. You don't need reassurance that you were the victim or that you did nothing wrong that will only keep you rooted in the past. Let it go and in letting go, move on.
5. Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for the choices you made in bringing you to be hurt.
6. Stop being the victim or playing the blame game. You can't change the past, but you can change your now and create your future.
7. The pain is not you. Don't let the pain become who you are, don't let your hurt define you. Let it go, make room for happiness.
8. Who were you before the hurt, before the pain? Who do you want to be? Find that person.
9. The little things that bring you joy in the moment: what are they? A sweet, a hug, a kiss, sitting in the sunshine, feeling the rain. Find your moments of joy. Find the small things that make you happy - you'll find they aren't the small things after all.
10. Share that joy with others. Let the small things add up, they won't wipe away the story of your pain, but your pain won't define you.
We all deserve to be happy, we all deserve to allow ourselves to be happy.