No smoke without a zippo lighter and a packet of Camel

No smoke without...

A zippo lighter and a pack of Camels.

What to do when you catch your teen smoking?

I started smoking at age 15. I started smoking because my boyfriend smoked and I couldn't stand the smell. I started smoking because I thought he'd stop smoking for me. However, teenage love isn't as strong a pull as that sweet pull of nicotine addiction!

Years later after many battles with the weed, I don't smoke. Nor do my parents, nor anyone else in the family (as far as I know!) except now for my teenage son.

I had thought for a while that he was smoking and my allegations had been laughed off and denied, but a couple of weeks ago I discovered the unequivocal and heartbreaking evidence that took the form of a zippo lighter, some rizla filters, tobacco and a pack of B&H. 

So what to do? How do you handle it? I took the 'softly softly' approach and said that if he is smoking, he must not smoke in the house and must dispose of dog ends in an assigned bin. We had a a chat about COPD, lung cancer and heart attacks. I also decreased his allowance so he will have to make choices between treats and cigarettes. His dad took a harder approach and confiscated the cigarettes, lighter and has said he will give him no money until he has stopped smoking.  We both offered him help with nicotine replacements.

Would have been nice to be singing off the same hymn sheet but I guess that's partly why we split up all those years ago. We do try at smooth co-parenting but it very rarely seems to work out, despite our good intentions.

Anyway, neither approach worked. Neither approach worked because he is hooked on tobacco. The only difference is, it was Camel he was smoking last night instead of B&H. I remember, when I was a teenager 20 odd years ago, smoking Camel or Marlboro rather than JP BLue or B&H was a step in the direction of cool. Smoking brand awareness can only be a bad thing in terms of his psychological and physiological addiction. Smoking has become part of his image.

I get why he's started. It is totally a social thing for him. He was never sporty and didn't fit in. Bit of an outsider like him mum! I get it.  And now he fits in with the other smokers, they have their own brand of smokin' cool and he has made friends with them. He's not going to give up because I explain the health risks nor because his dad tells him to nor because his allowance is cut nor if he sees how heartbroken his parents and grandparents are.

He's all tooled up for smoking. Cool lighter, cool cigarettes, cool friends and now even has a cool and throaty smoker's cough to boot.

I don't think there's any way of making him stop, he's got to do it himself. He has to realise that cigarettes aren't his friends - despite the voice in his head telling him that they are  and nor are the fellow smokers if they don't remain friends post tobacco, he has to realise that cigarettes are a waste of money, he has to decide to quit.